vertigo

On July 16, 1999, Kennedy along with his wife Carolyn and sister-in-law Lauren were reported missing when the plane he was piloting lost contact with airport control. Their bodies were discovered and returned to land on July 21, 1999. The National Transportation Safety Board determined that the plane had crashed into the Atlantic Ocean off Martha's Vineyard and the probable cause was pilot error: "Kennedy's failure to maintain control of the airplane during a descent over water at night, which was a result of spatial disorientation." This spacial disorientation is also known as vertigo. Vertigo is a sensation of dizziness or abnormal motion resulting from a disorder of the sense of balance. It mainly plays out for pilots in this way: Pilots when they are in high altitude or surrounded in a cloud or mist lose their sense of balance. They can't tell which way is up and which way is down. Pilots often think that the instruments in the plane are incorrect and they take matters into their own hands. This led to the death of JFK Jr. along with other pilots. They do not trust the instruments in the plane that were created to inform them of the planes balance and they trust their own instincts instead.

I believe that as Christians we often catch our own version of vertigo. When we get scared or feel threatened we ignore the things that were created to comfort us and lead the way..like Scripture or the counsel of others and we decide to trust ourselves, because we believe our plan is better. I have been learning alot about trust lately. Today, in church the preacher walked us through all of this and also said..trust in God and his plan for us is the engine that drives us to obey. I can see in so many ways how that is true. If I trust in my own plan I am more likely to walk away from obedience in Christ because I believe that my plan is best for me instead of God's plan for my life. Although all of God's instruments are telling me one thing I get a sense of vertigo and choose my own route. Sometimes I am too busy writing my own story instead of letting God write His story for me. I have been super challenged by these words in a Christian rap song by Lecrae:

So I don't want to take the lead Cuz I'm prone to make mistakes.

All these folks that follow me gon' end up in the wrong place.

So, just let me shadow you. And just let me trace your lines.

Matter fact just take my pen. Here, you create my rhymes.

Cuz if I do this by myself I'm scared that I'll succeed.

And no longer trust in You, cuz I only trust in me.

And see, that's how you end up headed to destruction.

Paving a road to nowhere. Pour your life out for nothing.

So how does this play out in my life? Am I trusting myself or am I trusting God? Here is where I can see some places that I am trusting myself in:

Prayer: I am not a good at prayer. But by not praying I am saying that I don't need God. Wow. How could I say that? Im not trusting that God has complete control of my life. Im not trusting his plan. Im not being obedient.

My Job: I do so much work without praying. I trust in myself to do my job..So I am praying that God would provide 22 girls for my team next year. I am praying for a goalie. I am praying for the gospel to spread among the team I have now. And that God would give me the strength to recruit well and try to do my job in a way that glorifies Him.

My Lack of Sabbath: I work all the time. I feel the need to ALWAYS be doing something. I need to take a day to just rest in God. Refuel myself so that what I do during the week is coming from the spring of life that will never run out.

Singleness: I am constantly trying to write my own story. I am letting my mind dwell on earthly things, wondering if I will ever meet a guy that might be my husband. Why write my own story in my head, when I need to let God write the story that will be better than anything I could ever dream or imagine? Whether that means I get married, or whether that means I stay single and head to the mission field...God's story is and will be best. I am praying that I will dwell on the eternal, things above and not on earthly things.

Trust in God and His plan for us is the engine that drives us to obedience. God, I believe, help my unbelief. Help me to trust in you alone and not my own works. You know what is best for all of us and we can see that in the gospel: that you sent your son to die for us so that in our sin we may be seen as the righteousness of God. Your ultimate plan for us, which is better than anything else.