Disappointments. They really are everywhere for me, especially now. Sometimes I'm disappointed in others, sometimes I'm disappointed with situations and other times I'm just disappointed in myself. I want the stability of being content with the gospel, seeing it as the treasure above all other things. But then I find myself wishing I was other places, doing other things. I find myself wishing I was at the Leadership Project with all of my friends, wishing I was a room leader, wishing I had gone on staff with campus outreach. This disappoints me. I want to be content. I want to be joyful always, I want to pray continuously and I want to give thanks in all circumstances. But I don't. At one point in my life I had a huge realization. Whenever I viewed God's will for my life I saw it as a past thing or a future thing; something God had already done in my life or something that I was trusting him to do. But God's will is now. Where I am right now is where he wants me, where he has called me and I know he is screaming to me that he will provide. Provide friends, provide a church, provide community, provide a team, provide comfort. I want someone I can call that can be by my side right away when I need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with and I know God will place people there, he is already starting to, but it is just very new.
--I'm disappointed that every guy I have met so far is not walking with the Lord. I miss having guy friendships in which I know that they care about me as a sister in Christ and don't have any other motives.
--I'm disappointed that I am scared of being alone in my new house because I've never lived on the first floor before and I have a terrible imagination. I want to claim God's promise over and over: Do not fear, do not fear, do not fear. Why can't I just fully trust the Lord.
--I'm disappointed that more people in the world don't know Jesus and that some of the one's that do don't always want to tell others of the amazing treasure they have and know.
--I'm disappointed that I am not always content where the Lord has me. I want so much for the silly thoughts of being elsewhere to drown in the depths of my knowledge that this is God's will for my life and that he would have it no other way.
--I'm disapponted that I am a sinner, but that I don't always see my sin. I want to see my sin and I want to embrace the joy of the gospel through it.
God is faithful, and he will remain faithful always. He is one thing that can never disappoint me. As I strive to be content in life, I turn to him; I read his promises in his word over and over. I push to know more of the God I know and love and I pray that His Spirit would transform me as I read His word and that I would know more of Him in everything. I want to enjoy God through all of my disappointments. It has allowed me to see that nothing satisfies us except Him. In nothing can we find true joy except in Him. And in everything we may find disappointment but never in Him.
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