head vs. heart

I've been challenged recently with the thought that "all blogs are positive", "that they seem all smiley and carefree" which isn't how life typically is..well at least not for me. I struggle with a ton, alot! If not with my family, my job, my friends, God typically is teaching me things all the time through the hard stuff, not the "Yay my life is so great all the time" stuff.

I think one of the biggest and hardest things for me is the struggle between my head and my heart. My head knows truth and is rooted in the Word and what God says is good and best...but my heart is always typically 5 steps behind, struggling to catch up. What I mean by this is when I am in a rough season of life, my head tells me that God is teaching me something, that He knows what is absolutely best for me and that I am walking in God's will yet my heart doesn't always feel it. I still feel sad to not be around my best friends, my A-team, the people who know me, I feel worried that I didn't make the right decision about where to go after college and what to do. I think I think these things because I base them off of my feelings..I feel unhappy and so I think: this cant be right. When in fact, I KNOW it is. I know that this is EXACTLY where God wants me and I shouldn't have any doubt (I will tell this story later because it is VERY clear!). So there ya go..I CANNOT conquer this (which is why I need Jesus)..it is a daily struggle and it may be a lifetime struggle but I pray everyday that God would continually change my heart. With that said here is my current Head vs. Heart struggle: Books.

Books you ask? How is that a Head vs Heart struggle? Well, I have come to love reading, especially adolescent literature (some of my best friends are middle school/high school english teachers) recently and it is GREAT. So great that I am distracted from the Word and spending time with the Lord! So is reading secular books bad? HECK NO!! I love it and I believe in secular books you can find the gospel, redemption, and alot of things that root back to God and his plan. Now keep in mind, "all things are permissible but not all is beneficial" (1 Cor 10:23) so know yourself when you choose what to read aka don't read things that will cause you to stumble.

But I challenge you and me with this: Open up the Word of God before you open up the word of man. I am not writing this because I do it well, Im actually writing this because I am convicted right now of not turning to the Lord and putting fictional stories above Him. See? my head is totally there because I know it's sin, but my heart is excited to see what comes next in my books. But now I am ready to fight it with the help of the Lord and the self-control I am praying He will give me! I am thankful that I am realizing my sin and praying that I will turn to the Lord! God's word is not like a book or magazine because it isnt just filled with words and ink...Its filled with the Holy Spirit. I pray everyday this week as I read my new favorite series of books I will always go to the Lord first, seek Him in everything I do and be filled with His Spirit.

Here's the series I just finished: The Hunger Games. A three book series consisting of The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and The MockingJay. These are GREAT books. I was hooked by the second chapter of the first book (and they are short chapters). I recommend them for any girl or guy!

awkward family photos

I definitely just wasted an hour of my life looking at this website: Awkwardfamilyphotos.com It was great, yet time consuming but here are some of my favorites.
Always in the background...

The traditional family egg toss...but instead of an egg...they go with the baby.

As a mother you must be consistent. Time out can happen anywhere.

Yes...this baby is duct taped to the window...

This makes me think of a Brinck Bowers or Andrew Hawkins kind of wedding..if you know who those people are then this is self-explanatory.

Proof that Santa can be scary...

What a musical family! And does she think she is going to play a screwdriver?

Is the hammer really necessary?

Never trust a 3 years old with a 9 month old!

Do you think she wanted to be in the picture? Or is she just napping for now?

I'm taking notes for when Im a mom. A easy bruise proof way to teach rollerskating/rollerblading!

I think this is funny because of all the extra "helping hands" in the picture..Who are those people?

This guy should watch the kids a little closer...multitasking is key.

He should take notes from this guy. This was probably my dad when I was that age.

What do I know of Holy?

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

a new tika

Now, I am sure some of you are wondering...what is a tika? and what is a new tika? Well Tika is a woman that worked at Steamers (one of my favorite restaurants in Clinton, SC). We became friends because my sophomore year, Bethany Griffith and I ate at Steamers once a week every week so that she could study the word with me. And I fell in love with steamers and Tika who is like the most awesome waitress EVER. But anyway I started praying for her and sharing my life with her, about Jesus and what I did with my summers, etc. It was awesome for sure and I hope and pray that I planted seeds there that later God will grow!

So now, in Rome, GA..no longer Clinton, SC I have found a new great place. Its called Harvest Moon Bakery. I go there 2 or 3 times a week in the mornings for breakfast and normally order two sausage balls. Sometimes I actually run from my job and back with a friend to the bakery and back which is about 4.5 miles, a great run for the morning. The same girl works there every time I go there. She looks like she is about my age which might mean still in college or just graduated. Normally when I go to breakfast there I am by myself, so I always sit and have a quiet time, which some people could never do (go to a restaurant by themselves,eat and read). I know this bc people tell me its weird and they couldnt lol. But I have a lot of free time. I really do feel like all parts of your life can be ministry and there should be an overflow, and I really see this as mine. So i am praying that this girl and I become friends!! And that I eventually get to share with her!

Today, when I was leaving, I told her thank you and she actually gave me another sausage ball for free and told me not to tell anyone!! Haha it was awesome! I can see our friendship forming already!

Challenge: Think about the areas and times of your everyday life that you could use for ministry. Its easy when you have a specific area such as college, or your job. But what about your neighbor? Or the waitress you see every time you go into your favorite restaurant? I love being a "regular" at a certain place...God can use all things in your life to bring glory to Himself! Get creative and have a good time doing what you do!

my fav youtube for sure.

please watch one at a time. Feel free to replay...Im pretty sure I have these memorized!







Supposively, this last video is me to a tee. I am slightly(aka more than slightly) undecisive in all situations! But whatevs! Enjoy!

the good ole coosa valley fair

The biggest thing to come to Rome, GA every year...the Coosa Valley Fair! What a redneck place but oh so fun! So what did I do? Took my team there!!

Here is why I love it so much:


What a GREAT mullet. And yes I walked around him and pretended like I was texting...but def took some shots. My team now says I am suuuch a creeper. Ha! Not to mention: the game he was playing...after he left I got on it and won! A huge Orange monkey, but gave it to one of my girls who had tried like 10 times to win!

Also, I paid three dollars for a man to guess my age..he had to come within two years of it. His guess: 17...I am a college coach and he guessed 17!!! Haha, maybe I should feel good that I look young, but then again maybe I should feel not good because I look like Im a highschooler!!!

security

I just joined a small group of 15 girls who are around the same age as me. Small group? How about big group. 15 is by no means small. Im really enjoying it though. We meet once a week (I come 30 minutes late because of practice) and right now we are walking through Psalm 139. Last night we talked about Psalm 139:5,6 and about security. Well this just in, I am not a very secure person and I am realizing it more and more..how insecure I am.

"You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." Psalm 139:5,6

Most of our security comes from the feeling of being out of control. For me it is failure. I feel like I fail alot when it comes to my new job, always making mistakes and just having a tough time being perfect (this is probably where the problem lies bc it would be impossible to be perfect). But the phrase "hem" us in actually in The Spirit of Reformation Bible is restated as "the Lord sets limits to the psalmist's actions." God puts some controls in our life. And the end of verse 5 says "laid His hand upon me" which can be translated into "restrain and guide us in life." God puts restraints on us as a parent would restrain a child..boundaries in this case are set out of love and safety. This helps me feel more secure in the Lord.

When we are able to feel secure in the Lord, we are free to live without fear. Examples in my life: fear of failure, fear of people, fear of lifelong singleness. But when I am finding my security in the Lord I am able to see that:

My fear of failure: I am going to fail! I am sinful by nature and can never be perfect. I am so flawed and so yes...Im going to fail...fail others, fail myself. Coolest thing about this: It allows me to rest on Christ because He will NEVER fail me...because He is not like me. "God is not a man that he should lie, nor a son of man that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19

My fear of people: By fearing people I am putting them before the Lord. We are called to please God and not people. By fearing people, I am worshipping them, I am in bondage to that. But Christ sets me free from this and he wants my WHOLE heart. In everything we are "not to please man but God who tests our hearts." 1 Thessalonians 2:4

My fear of Singleness: Who cares!! I am secure in the Lord and that is ALL I need. He is MORE than enough for me and the only thing that can truly fulfill me and allow me to be secure! I am seeing more and more that God really is the only constant thing in my season of transitions aka my life. Even our time on earth is just a season but God is beginning and end. He is forever. No one else can be that for me! I can be secure in Christ and completely trust His will for my life.

Now. Let's be real. I can say all these things but not feel it. My heart needs to catch up with my knowledge of what is true. I am praying that the Lord would change my heart daily to truly believe these things. And with that I am focusing on seeking "the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God" and setting "my mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." For I died, "and my life is hidden with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:1-3) Now THAT is SECURITY.

the life of a college coach

So this has been the longest time I have gone without blogging...and here's why: My life has been so incredibly hectic. So I just want to update you on the week I've had with some fun pictures and insight on the life of a college coach.



The beginning of our week we got all of our gear in, this is a picture of our team shirts to wear to practice weights and running. We had our first fall ball tournament on September 25 and thankfully our gear came in on time!



We had morning running Monday through thursday this week. I thought my team definitely needed conditioning before our tournament, and so we were up every morning at 6am ready to run! Thursday I surprised them and held up two envelopes; they had to pick one to figure out their workout...they were dreading it. It was such a joy to me to see their faces and hear their cheers when they found out their workout was: team breafast at Chickfila on coach. So we rested from running and had some great team time at our fav restaurant. If you notice in the picture...there actually isnt a table there: they were totally goofing off as always.

Thursday we also had team Bible study. EVERYONE showed up. I made them food and we talked about the lies of this world. We cut out pictures in magazines of diet ads and style watches and what not to wears and things that tell us success is life.We talked about how easily we can be deceived and the very first original lie with satan in the garden of Eden. I got to share my testimony and talk about how we can even be deceived that we are Christians when we may not be. I hope they took it in and thought about it! Praise the Lord that they were there to hear the gospel. God is good.



Friday was crazy. A fundraiser. I ordered 300 boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts to sell at Shorter. We realized it was going to be a LARGE task. This is a picture of the boxes in my car..I had to lay all the seats down in my SUV and I had just enough room to breath in the front and drive them from ATL to Rome. We sold them at Shorter, Kroger and then I went door hopping from one business to another trying to sell them. We sold all but about 35. I would say that is pretty good!

That night the girls came over to my house. My dad grilled out chicken for them and I made some pasta and salads to get ready for our tournament. They hung out and swam in the pool and we had some good quality team time.


FIRST TEAM TOURNAMENT: Shorter vs. Reinhardt, Shorter vs KSU

Shorter vs. Reinhardt: WE WON!!! WE WON OUR VERY FIRST SCRIMMAGE GAME!!

Shorter vs. KSU: We played an AWESOME game. It was our second game in the row...with ONLY one sub and we were winning at half time 4-2. We ended up losing 7-8 but I see it as such a victory because we had such an awesome day and played REALLY well the second game!


This morning(Sunday), to top my week off I ran a 5k with my friend Jordan Newberry! The Duluth Fall Festival 5k. We came 3rd and 4th in our age group and ran it in like 27:05. We accidently sprinted the first mile...I will NEVER do that again...it burned me out! Jordan even got a medal!!


Today I was exhausted from my long week. Long week=Long blogpost. So I decided to rest. And I know I can only find true rest in the Lord. "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him." Psalm 62:1 So I finished the night with studying the Word. A small group Im in is studying Jonah and I am so excited because I know I am going to learn so much.

I've learned that in the historical context of Jonah the Northern Kingdom (Israell) is enjoying a time of peace and prosperity, worshipping God and enjoying him OUTWARDLY but INTERNALLY they are in a state of social, moral and religious decay. Jonah is reflecting this great problem. Jonah has a great problem in his heart. There is a discrepancy between his words and actions and his mind and his heart....Jonah is not living in harmony with God-- Jonahs heart reflects anger and selfishness while God's reflects mercy and compassion.

So the book of Jonah (and Im just learning about the introduction right now!) is to move us toward self-reflection...Is my heart living in harmony with God's heart? Do my actions reflect my doctrine and theology?

Think about it. Pray about it. Seek God's Word about it.
Now I have to go to bed. Goodnight hectic week, can't wait to see how this next one will be!

whistle while you work (cont'd)

1. Read the blogpost after this one.

2. Read this blogpost:

And here is a perfect example of how I am a ridiculously amazing whistle blower. Tonight at practice..after blogging about the dreaded whistle...we had one drill left and you'll never believe what happened. First, here is what we're working with:

Notice..the tip guard on the end. It's just a little thing slipped on the whistle..I like it, because I chew on it..I doubt thats what its for though. Well, it caused me a slight problem tonight during practice. In the very last drill, we were about go so I started my normal "Ready, set, ...'insert whistle blow here'" -That's the norm, but what happened was slightly different. My ready, set was perfect and right when I was about to whistle, the tip guard blew off the whistle(probably loose from me chewing on it) and I blew a huge thing of air and nothing happened. As a good coach would, I kept my composure, a serious face and continued with the drill...YEAH RIGHT. I laughed soooo dadgum hard, because I was caught sooo offguard!!! Of course, my laugh caused everyone to laugh..and I was laughing so hard..I couldnt blow the whistle a second time. Man, it was great. Laughing in front of my team..some might see as a sign of weakness...I see it as just a fun time. I am the best coach ever...and yet I still hate whistles.

whistle while you work

whistle while you work...that's what I do...errr what I am supposed to do. But this is the thing: the one thing I hate about coaching is blowing a whistle. I dont know what it is about it, but I hate blowing my whistle. Last night I even forgot to bring it to practice. Maybe its because I feel like Im not good at it. My whistle blowing skills are slightly below par. It sounds very spitty and whispy lol. So before practice I guess I need to practice...blowing a whistle. Yuck for whistles...I practiced in my car once..but never do that. I think I almost blew out an eardrum..I think I might boycott them; a simple "GO!" can do the exact same job. Who thought a tweet would be better, but then again whenever you hear one you are likely to stop whatever you are doing and see whats up. So I guess I will have to put my inadequate whistle blowing skills aside and move on with my life, with this thought, and with a whistle in hand.


-Also, final update: This is how amazing God is: I have 16 players for my team! A goalie and 15 field players. More than I asked. I prayed for 15 and I received one more than that(Ephesians 3:20).

click.

God has been doing so much in my heart lately and I am learning so much about viewing God, myself and the world through the lens of the gospel. And it's clicking..finally haha. A little bit that is.. This was so cool to learn today: (Most of this post you are going to say duh, Brittni. how did you not get that?? But it just really hit my heart today like whoa.)

The gospel: Christ was our substitute, he died on the cross so that we may be seen as perfect. He lived the life we should have lived(a perfect one) and died the death we should have died(the death of sinners). Ok, but I'm starting to realize that I am not viewing EVERYTHING through the light of the gospel..and I should. Some time ago, someone said to me..every issue is a gospel issue. I believe this is true, and I said I believed it but I don't think I really really did.

Viewing prayer in light of the gospel: How do we know that God hears our prayer? Well, I've always just claimed scripture for this question (Jer. 29:12,13..etc.), but viewing this in light of the gospel makes SO MUCH SENSE! We know that God will answer our prayer in the same way that we know we are perfect before the Lord through the gospel. On one terrible day, God did not answer Jesus when Jesus called to God; He was forsaken (Matthew 27:46). Jesus was our substitute. We are the ones who deserve to be forsaken and to have our prayers rejected. Why? How could we call upon a righteous God as ones so flawed? We can't...without Christ. God is just in this. 2 Corinthians 5:21--Without Christ, God's righteousness would guarantee that He not hear our prayers. With Christ, God's righteousness guarantees that He will!!

This is why petition (asking God of things in our life) unburdens our heart-when combined with the gospel. We know God hears our prayer and He will answer according to His will (which may or may not allign with ours at the time). Thats why when Jesus teaches us to pray it starts with "Our Father." God is our FATHER, only because of the gospel. We come to Him as his CHILD, his loved children, adopted to His family..How can you not love this??? It is amazing. So amazing.

And so it clicked. Finally. And all it is is the gospel, the thing that I think I know and understand but yet keep learning soooo much about daily.

overflow

I think everything said is very true. And this speaks to me pretty clearly because I have to watch myself closely to make sure when I am studying the Bible and memorizing Scripture that I am not just gaining knowledge for knowledge sake. Francis Chan is correct in saying that we have to "do" also. If we feel as if we are JUST "flapping our wings in our heart", then is it really true to our heart?

Matthew 12:34 says "For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

As the Lord opens our heart to himself, as He plants Himself in our heart, making our faith an inward thing...He is, at the same moment, making our faith outward as well. If Jesus truly is the absolute treasure of our heart, we would be living just as that. As Jesus becomes the treasure of our heart, we start to walk like Him more and more..because we start to love the things God loves and hate the things God hates. This is the overflow. Jesus should be such a treasure and a joy, that we would burst trying to hold in our hearts how great He is. Instead, we would walk like Him, tell others about Him, etc. We have to pray for the Lord to become our treasure, to change our sinful heart, to change us daily in order to become more like Him.

Looking at your life, does your life say that Jesus is your true treasure and joy? Or do you just say..."I'm flapping my wings..in my heart"?

the gratefulness of a child

The pure joy of a child is amazing to me. I love watching children, playing with children, all of the above! They fascinate me and I get so much joy from them...I think their joy is contagious. I love how raw they are, why is it so hard for us to be raw before the Lord now? I found this youtube video of this little girl just talking about how great everything is, how she "likes" everything. She is so grateful and content with all that she has (judging from the video solely)!! I wish I could stand on my sink everyday in my bathroom and just praise God and thank Him for everything...my haircut, my pajamas, everything! This video is so precious! I love it!!!

myMistakenTexts.com

Textsfromlastnight.com =Not my favorite website. But I feel like I could create my own website. I don't think I would call it texts from last night but maybe something like: MyMistakenTexts.com and MistakesOnCall.com

Let me give you some examples about how cool I am: If you know these people it will probably be extra funny to you.

MyMistakenTexts.com:

---

To Shannon Strodel(a former lax player that I was meeting for breakfast): Hey Shannon, hope I am at the right chickfila! Can't wait to see you!

Mistakenly Sent to Shannon HARTFORD(a lax player at Pc who lives in Boston). She sent back: "Brittni I got really excited when you texted me but then I realized that you probably sent me the wrong text because there are no Chicfila's in Boston!"....Oops.

---

To Dad, and Mom: Hey I am boarding the plane at 11:40, I will be arriving around 1:30. Can't wait to see you then!

Mistakenly sent to Daniel Hill and Mom. Daniel replied: "I don't even know where you are going?!"...Oops.

---

MistakesOnCall.com

---

On the phone with Walt Allen(talking about my new lacrosse team on August 14th):
Walt: So when you start practicing?
Me: Next year....OH no not next year, sorry next week. No wait sorry in two weeks. Wait, first week of September, I guess thats three weeks. Haha
Walt: Next year...hmm thats a new coaching philosophy. No practicing for the whole first year.

---

On the phone with Josh Bingham:
Me: Happy Birthday! So you are 22,right?
Josh: Yep
Me: So how does it feel to be 22?
Josh: It feels like Im 23
Me: Wait, what? How does it feel to be 22?
Josh: Like Im 23...
Me: OOOh, OMGah! You are 23?!?!

---

My life is crazy and my mouth definitely goes faster than my brain so things just pop out like whoa! I mix up my words, texts, phone calls, etc. Makes for really funny yet somewhat awkward experiences but it always makes me laugh! And everyone knows that when I laugh...It's just ridiculous! I'll never forget this one convo:

Me: Dang, I really do mix up my words all the time.
John Solms: I thought you did that on purpose...to be funny.
Me: NO WAY! I dont even mean to!
Ashton Yount: No really John, she does. I normally always have to translate for her!

do you understand the worth?

Just a little something that has been on my heart lately:

"My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures,then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God." Proverbs 2:1-5

What does it mean to seek for it like silver and search for it as hidden treasure? What if you had 2000 rocks in front of you, but you knew there was $1,000,000 under one of the rocks. I dont know about you but I would look under EVERY single rock until I found that $1,000,000, I would search for it like silver and like hidden treasures... But why?

Because I know the worth of $1,000,000!! I know that it is alot of money. I know it is worth alot and that I could do alot with it. So what keeps me from seeking Jesus like silver and like hidden treasures? Because I don't truly understand the worth of Jesus, I don't truly understand how GREAT God is. How do I understand the worth and greatness of Jesus? Through his word!

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

My prayer is that the Lord would continue to open my heart to His scriptures; that God would allow me truly understand His greatness. I know that I will not be able to understand everything but I pray and pray Christ would be my treasure and one that I seek after DAILY like silver and as I would hidden treasures!

prayer

"When you have time all to yourself, when you don't have to think of anything, where does your mind most effortlessly go? What do you enjoy daydreaming about, what do you think about in your inner sanctum? THAT is your real god, your real faith, the thing that has captured your heart and imagination. If you instinctively pray when you have time, you can know that your heart is beginning to rest in God as the reward or ultimate prize of your life." -Tim Keller

Dang.

what JFJ means to me...

JFJ. Three letters=three words. Funny thing is...only six girls know what JFJ stands for (7 including Kate's mom.) So what is JFJ? JFJ is a group of six girls. A group of six girls that I hold dear to my heart. Six girls who shared their lives together and followed each other while we all struggled to follow Jesus. This is what JFJ means to me:

Abbye-I have learned sooooo much from Abbye, her humility and her love for others. She fights for others to know Jesus and has a HUGE heart. From Abbye, I've learned that as a leader of others we must be the "lead-repenter", showing our imperfections but also showing that we bring them before the Lord as he sees us as flawless. She is amazing at reading people, knowing them and meeting their needs. She truly is a servant at heart!

Amy- my roommate, my friend, the person I love to sing in the car with! Amy loves it when I have one small piece of hair hanging in front of my face, she notices the small things and I love her for it. She is so gentle and so kind and so genuine. She is also one of the most encouraging people I know! She challenges me with thought-provoking questions and I really just enjoy spending time doing nothing with her!

Ashton- Ashton is tough love! We've both agreed. Philippians 4:2,3-that's the relationship Ash and I had. We had to agree with one another in the Lord, because we just don't always agree with each other and we used to never get along. But now I can say that she is one of my very best friends. Through her tough love she pushes me to know Christ in all things. She helps me remember my freedom in Christ when my mind seems to be so legalistic sometimes. It makes for alot of fun and alot of laughs!

Bekah- I have always looked up to Bekah, she is so beautiful and so wise! We always had a surfacy friendship until JFJ and now I love her more than anything! She is really great at grounded me and seeing through my emotions, allowing me to think rationally. She always wants to hear how I am doing and about my life which shows me how much she truly cares about me. She always asks great questions about theology and more. I feel like we relate in how we see the gospel..and how we don't see and understand it all the time but yearn to all the more.

Kate- the one who always reminds me that being emotional is ok. If it weren't for Kate I wouldn't have made it! I am an emotional person and Kate and I are very similar in that way. We definitely need others to help us think through our emotions and not let them rule us but I am so thankful that Kate was always real with us and was never afraid to tell us how she was feeling. She always has so much insight and such a loving heart.

So what does JFJ mean to me? Knowing more of Christ through living life together with these 5 girls. What it stands for...readers you may never know. But if you have a chance, share your life with the people around you, don't be afraid to go deep, don't be afraid to mess up. Cling to Jesus and follow Him. I love these girls and miss them so much! They will never know how much I learned from them!

caution: fears may lead to extreme action

So for the past week I have been in Florida working a lacrosse camp at Stetson University. The camp was fun but it's over now. It ended at 12:00pm but my flight doesn't leave until tomorrow so I had to get a hotel room...by myself...for the first time.... I guess this is something I need to get used to since I am going to be going on recruiting trips and will have to stay places by myself. But this was a first for me. So I was scared...of course. Me and my irrational fears aka my terrible imagination!! So my night has consisted of this:

4:15 pm--Walked next door to Denny's (also a first for me). I tried to get an early dinner so that I could get back to the hotel as fast as I could and lock myself in.

9:00 pm rolls around and I want to go on a jog (probably because I feel like this week all I have done is eat and watch other people run around playing lacrosse) but sure as heck I am not going outside. Because Im afraid to run alone. So I have a great idea to go jogging in my hotel room. So I did for 45 minutes straight. I ran from sink to door, door to sink, sink to door, door to sink. I think the weirdest part was that everytime I ran toward the sink I was also running toward the mirror which was funny because half of my run was me watching myself run...haha. I was able to take 8 steps in each direction. But by the end, I counted and I was taking 10 steps each way which means I must have slowed my pace. I also definitely built up a sweat! haha!

I am very thankful for the rules at the Leadership Project (you must be accompanied by a boy after dark), because I could have used a partner tonight. Running back and forth over and over and over really made me wonder why in the world I thought it was a good idea, but hey-makes for a good story I guess!! haha.

Ps. Also this week, I was playing lacrosse with the counselors and was playing defense when my girl missed the pass so it came through her and hit me right in the throat! Totally caught me off guard! Right in the jugular!! First, it hurt. Second, it was sooo weird to have a swollen neck the next day. Third, that would happen! Lol.

my "for real" look

Need an update on my transition into Shorter University? There's a whole article about it!

http://goshorterhawks.com/sports/w-lacros/2009-10/releases/070810dulaney

Shorter really is amazing, I don't know of another place that would be able to write an article like that with me talking about my relationship with the Lord. I'm not gonna lie though, some of the info is wrong! I was a two year academic all-american in high school not at Pc!! And only a two year most valuable offensive player in college!

Ps. Funny story, the picture of me in "my office" is actually a picture of me at Coach Warner's desk (we had to hide the pictures of his children). I was pretend typing while the screen was on lock and it beeped SO LOUD, I couldnt help but laugh...so we had to take a million pics to try to get me to look "for real" instead of laughing the whole time!

mess-ups..they happen...

I did it. Messed up in my new job. It was bound to happen, but I definitely didn't think it would. I took action in something in which I should have asked someone above me first. I went ahead and did it on my own, but had no idea that I shouldn't have done it. Now I know. I'm not gonna say what I did because it's not important; what's important is what I learned and how I know the Lord better through that situation. Some inserts from my journal:

I can always feel it BIG TIME when I am let down by others and when other people disappoint me but I must remember that I am no different than they are. I have the full capability of letting people down and messing up. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be...

But my sorrow is worldly. Today I wasn't upset because I didn't do my best to glorify God, I was upset because I have to own up to my mistake...I'm too worried about what people will think of me rather than having sorrow that I have let down God above all things...

But with all of that said, there is grace. I was given SO much grace in the situation and I am so grateful that although I am imperfect, Jesus sees me as righteous and perfect and he loves me all the more.

And here are some thoughts from someone way wiser than me. I am reading a book called Practice the Presence of God (a GREAT read) and it is the letters and conversations of a monk named Brother Lawrence about enjoying God in all things. Here are some things I learned that related to my situation:

That when he had failed in his duty, he only confessed his fault, saying to God, I shall never change, if You leave me to myself; It is You who must prevent my falling and change my faults. Then he didn't worry about it anymore.

That he had no concern; for, said he, when I fail in my duty, I readily acknowledge it, saying, I am used to doing so: I shall never do otherwise, if I am left to myself. If I don't fail, then I give God thanks, acknowledging that it comes from Him.

These can be related to many different situations but in mine I just remember that I am capable of failing, letting others down because I am a sinner, I'm not perfect. And only God can help me and sanctify me, I shall always fail without God. I pray that I may glorify Him well in ALL that I do, but only with the help of Him am I able to come even close to doing so.

4 fun memories of the 4th

Happy fourth of July! Every 4th of July I have been in VERY different places and experienced funny things for some reason each place: we'll start four years ago:

July 4th, 2007--I was in the back of Andrew Hawkins' pickup truck with Becca Hayter, Mitchell King, and others from the Leadership Project in Myrtle Beach. We were headed to the beach to watch fireworks when all of the sudden we were REAR-ENDED!! Keep in mind we are in a pickup truck so we look at the driver and he just looks at us and shrugs holding his hands up as if to say- "I have no idea what just happened"--we just laughed and continued to the beach for the fun.

July 4th,2008--In South Africa with Campus Outreach. What a cool place to celebrate the 4th of July! I skyped my mom to tell her to have a great day and this was how the conversation went:
Me: Happy 4th of July Mom!!
Mom: Happy 4th to you too Brittni! Do they do anything special in South Africa to celebrate the 4th??
Me: Mom...the 4th of July isn't celebrated here...it's independence day for America...
All of my friends(I remember specifically Ashton and Brinck): Wow...now we see where Brittni gets everythingggg... haha!

July 4th, 2009--Again in Myrtle Beach, Lauren Snyder and I wanted to share who Jesus is with someone on the beach. I've talked to alot of people about jesus but I have never EVER had an experience like this before. There is a woman sitting by herself and we decide to talk to her. This is how it goes:
Us: Hey how are you!?
Woman: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
US: Oh, Sorry no, we are actually with a Christian group and we were just hoping to share with you something we have been learning.
Woman: Oh, ok, I guess..
So anyway, the conversation went on and on and on. But it got weird. We asked her what she thought about sin and she said: "Oh, I KNOWWW what sin is! You don't even wanna know how I sin...Oh boy, you would be in for a treat!" And we were like...oh boy..no no we dont have to hear specifics. But then her husband walked up and it was like a light switch as if they were putting on a show: She went from being what seemed like the roughest hooligan who sinned constantly to an angel!!
Woman: Oh yes, the Lord is so good, and its so great what you girls are doing. You guys need to keep going all over the world talking about this, because we definitely do!
---I can't give justice to this conversation but it was by far a strange experience, I just don't have enough time to tell you all about it.

July 4th, 2010--In a new place, with new people, and new experiences. Went to a new church to try it out, went to lunch with a couple of girls I've just met, and now am at the pool with my family. Later, I will probably head to see some fireworks with some friends (friends that I am just now getting to know). I'm praying that God will continue to grow these friendships, and continue to provide in the ways he knows I need.

to never be disappointed...

Disappointments. They really are everywhere for me, especially now. Sometimes I'm disappointed in others, sometimes I'm disappointed with situations and other times I'm just disappointed in myself. I want the stability of being content with the gospel, seeing it as the treasure above all other things. But then I find myself wishing I was other places, doing other things. I find myself wishing I was at the Leadership Project with all of my friends, wishing I was a room leader, wishing I had gone on staff with campus outreach. This disappoints me. I want to be content. I want to be joyful always, I want to pray continuously and I want to give thanks in all circumstances. But I don't. At one point in my life I had a huge realization. Whenever I viewed God's will for my life I saw it as a past thing or a future thing; something God had already done in my life or something that I was trusting him to do. But God's will is now. Where I am right now is where he wants me, where he has called me and I know he is screaming to me that he will provide. Provide friends, provide a church, provide community, provide a team, provide comfort. I want someone I can call that can be by my side right away when I need a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with and I know God will place people there, he is already starting to, but it is just very new.

--I'm disappointed that every guy I have met so far is not walking with the Lord. I miss having guy friendships in which I know that they care about me as a sister in Christ and don't have any other motives.
--I'm disappointed that I am scared of being alone in my new house because I've never lived on the first floor before and I have a terrible imagination. I want to claim God's promise over and over: Do not fear, do not fear, do not fear. Why can't I just fully trust the Lord.
--I'm disappointed that more people in the world don't know Jesus and that some of the one's that do don't always want to tell others of the amazing treasure they have and know.
--I'm disappointed that I am not always content where the Lord has me. I want so much for the silly thoughts of being elsewhere to drown in the depths of my knowledge that this is God's will for my life and that he would have it no other way.
--I'm disapponted that I am a sinner, but that I don't always see my sin. I want to see my sin and I want to embrace the joy of the gospel through it.

God is faithful, and he will remain faithful always. He is one thing that can never disappoint me. As I strive to be content in life, I turn to him; I read his promises in his word over and over. I push to know more of the God I know and love and I pray that His Spirit would transform me as I read His word and that I would know more of Him in everything. I want to enjoy God through all of my disappointments. It has allowed me to see that nothing satisfies us except Him. In nothing can we find true joy except in Him. And in everything we may find disappointment but never in Him.

god is so good

So let me tell you about Montana...15 coaches and 35 students headed to Two Moose Ranch in Glenn, Montana. It was in the middle of nowhere. But in the middle of nowhere you are always in the middle of somewhere--mountains surrounded us on all sides and the beauty of God's creation was astounding. AND GOD DID SO MUCH--The girls I met were awesome and here they are!



Three girls became believers over the trip and so many girls were encouraged to live a godly life outside of just saying what they believe. It was so neat to plan events and ways to pull each other out of temptation because we know there will be some along the way!

On the first row second from the right is Jessica, or Jess. She was my roommate in Montana and it was so great getting to know her. She is a GA for volleyball and loves the Lord so much. It was so encouraging to talk to her and it was so EASY. The common bond of Christ was all we needed to hit it off.

On the top row second from the right is Kristy Brown, the Assistant Women's BBall coach at Shorter and she is SO GREAT! She has such a love for the Lord and such a desire to pour into girls so that they may know more of Christ! I have learned so much from her and we also have just hit it off great! God is so good!

And my car:



My car was crazy! As a new coach, for some reason I was put as a driver for all guys and little Sarah! I drove an expedition XL so I had the biggest SUV out of all the coaches. I had 5 football players and a soccer player and then SARAH my life saver. I definitely needed a girl there with me. That picture explains it all--they said: "Now let's take one like how we annoyed her in the car!" and all jumped on me! Ha! So fun.

Montana was awesome, God did and is doing so much in the hearts of the students at Shorter University. I can't wait to see what this year will bring. By the way, I'm up to ten players!! PTL!

jaja boniques

Last night, I went to hang out with one of my best friends Jordan Newberry. Our freshman year though we gave each other nicknames. Hers= Jaja Boniques. Mine= Megan Malpoopoo. Don't ask, but this definitely defines our friendship. God has brought our friendship SO FAR too!! We lived together freshman year and hated each other, but at the end of freshman year, we bonded HUGELY--Jordan hadn't taken her medicine and I was writing a paper on Beauty and the Beast, and we just connected through stories!! So Awesome--we've been great friends ever since!

So last night we decided that we wanted to rent Toy Story 2 and watch it, so we went to Blockbuster. We got Toy Story 2, three boxes of candy and I got popcorn and a drink bc I don't love candy! So we check out and the man says: You should get another popcorn and drink and it will be cheaper. WE LOVE FOOD so of course we went and got more but I started thinking..this guy didnt tell us the price before...he could just be getting us to get more for more money!! But we did it anyway, and ended up getting 8 items for 11$! WOW! The movie was $5 so really we got 7 things for $6! (butterfinger, two popcorns, two drinks, three more things of candy!). Just think:

Cost for 2 Movie theater tickets: 15.50
Cost for 2 drinks+2 popcorns at a theater: 15.50
Cost for 3 things of candy: 10.00
Total: 41.00

COST FOR TOY STORY 2 + OUR GOODIES: 11.00 (We definitely got the better end of the deal!)

We ended our night with another classic Harriet the Spy! A movie that absolutely changed my life as a kid. I went from an ordinary kid to a kid with a mission, I was the best spy ever. I read ever Nancy Drew book, got spy gear every Christmas and probably drove my parents nuts!!!

Pictures of me and Jaja Boniques from freshman year: We were Awesome. No doubt.

tryouts anyone?

Today I had an open tryout for laxers. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't set it up and I didn't get a chance to advertise it. I've been out of town for the past two weeks.

Long story short...No one showed up!! What a great first tryout! Haha

But PTL* God has now provided 9 players! Slowly but surely God is providing exactly what I need. I'm learning to not just pray for things but to expect great things from God. Ephesians 3:20 says that he is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

For some reason, I really do have a peace about my team for next year. Call me crazy, but I really think I will have 12 by the end (although I'm praying for more). I'm really not that stressed even with the smallest lacrosse tryout showing in the world! I know that God will have a team for me! We'll just have to see how things come together. And know this..Im not just doing nothing. I am recruiting like crazy! I love building relationships with students and I can't wait to see what God does next year!

*PTL-Praise the Lord

montana..the way home

Just got back from Montana and yes it is 3:36am, but I just had to share this fascinating tidbit with everyone!!

As I was boarding the flight from Denver to Atlanta some very interesting things happened. I was there with a big group but of course our seats were scattered through the plane. They called to board rows 1-4 and my seat was 4c. So I definitely felt like I should board. I headed to the desk...Im the only one headed there and I hear the ladies behind the counter murmuring something like this:

Lady #1: Oh here she comes.
Lady #2: Yeah, she's military.
Lady #1: Ma'am, are you military??

--Now don't get me wrong..I am wearing a PC sweatshirt and purple Darlington Basketball shorts...How the heck do I look militarily??? haha

Me: Ummm no ma'am, I thought you said rows 1-4.
Lady#2: Oh yes, right ahead.

Weird. But gets funnier. I sit down, get situated and as I am a man passes by me and he looks soooo excited!!! He looks at me and says:

Man: DID YOU SAY YOU WERE IN THE MARINE CORPS????
Me: haha no sir...Im not.

HAHAHA WHAT IN THE WORLD!! I hated to let him down, I should have just said yes and told him I just got back from being stationed in Montana in platoon 32 or something made up! But wait the trip gets better. So I decided to do a little quiet time in the plane. I pull out my Bible and start reading it and studying it. When Im finished the man next to me starts talking to me.

Man: So, I see you are reading the Bible and stuff.
Me: Yes Sir!
Man: So are you going to school to be a nun or something??
Me: Haha, no sir, its just a really big part of my life!

OMG!!! In the time of an hour, I was confused as a member of the Marine Corp and a nun!! What a fun ride back.

Note to readers: Just because you read the Bible doesn't mean you are destined for nunhood.

Can't wait to update you on the trip to Montana!! Stay tuned for more!

montana

Alot has happened since I have last blogged. I have really spent a period of wrestling with the Lord, learning to trust in him in all things and finding joy in who he is and the Lord is so GRACIOUS. A verse I have been praying for myself-- "Restore unto me the joy of your salvation" Psalm 51:12 and the Lord has totally been doing that!!

Within the past two days, these things have occurred. I got to talk to one of my recruits (by the way we are up to 7 girls!!!) that is definitely coming to Shorter. We got to have a gospel conversation in which she was able to say: Yeah I really want to know more about God and it is really helpful that I know that I can talk to you about these things. AWESOME!! PTL (Praise the Lord!!) This conversation excited me about sharing the gospel and telling her of the good news of Christ!

Yesterday I left for Montana. This trip has been hard for me. I do not feel known, none of the girls understand what has been going on in my life for the past few weeks but it is so comforting to know that we are known by the Lord and that he gives us everything we need always (phil 4:19). On the plane, I sat by a women who wasn't supposed to sit by me at all, we talked about the Lord and who he is and I got to lay out the whole gospel before her. She said she had never heard aything like it. She thought we had to earn God's love and work for it. NOT TRUE!! Thats the good news! I have no idea whether she asked Christ into her heart, but she asked GREAT questions and has a better understanding of what the gospel is. Her name was Sarah!

God really is restoring to me the joy of salvation: in myself and in others. You can be praying that my trip here goes well: that Shorter University students grasp the gospel and start to live it out on the campus of Shorter and on their athletic teams. Help me to be open with the girls who are my age, and continue to be bold with the gospel. I'm studying 2 Timothy:

"Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."-2 Timothy 1:12

I want to know the God I love and serve. I want to know whom I have believed. I want to guard the gospel that the Lord has entrusted and fan into flame the gifts God has given me in order to do so.

numbers…

For those of you who didn’t know…my new job is that I am the head women’s lacrosse coach at college. It’s been really neat, the whole process of the Lord guiding me here and I have really enjoyed my job so far! But here’s the kicker:

I have 4 PLAYERS!!

Many wonder, how many play during a game of lacrosse? 12!!!

Interesting…things just aren’t quite adding up, but I know that the Lord will provide! I know I am a little bit anxious but I am praying that the Lord really will do what is best for me whether that means a full team or not! So if you are reading this and you have some free time: PRAY!! I am praying that the Lord will provide at least 12 more girls by the end of the summer!

good days..

Yesterday was a good day:

--I woke up in a new house with new roommates
--Went to my new job--Chicfila breakfast run on the way
--Met with a recruit who definitely wants to come to Shorter =)
--Got a phone call from a girl accepting a scholarship offer =)
--Got a phone call saying a girl isn't coming to Shorter =( (God is totally in control!)
--Laid in a small twin bed with my sister and made cat noises/harmonized in the most ugliest way ever while my new roommate Christy was listening in the other room (I have now come out of my shell and she knows how goofy we are!)
--Annndd had a wonderful visit from my boyfriend Sam who just came from his staff meetings in Gville! =)

Such a great day! God is good and provides in so many ways, through the good and the bad..the disappointing things and the uplifting things! "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."--Isaiah 55:9

a small purple book

God has been teaching me so much lately and it has been so encouraging! Today I was really tired because we are on a lax trip and had ridden in a bus all night. I had the option of taking a nap or getting in the word and everything in me was wanting to take a nap. I'm in a room with Kirsti and Sweeney. So all of the sudden Kirsti goes and sits in the desk in the hotel room.

I asked her what she was doing and she just help up a small purple book. I had no idea what that meant so I was like...what? And she said..Its the Bible! I was SOOOO encouraged and it was so easy for me to grab my Bible and start studying also!

The coolest part about this is that it helps me trust the Lord SO much with the lacrosse team! Kirsti just became a Christian this year and it has been so cool to see her and Laura (another teammates) desire change in so many ways, and now they are studying the Bible on lax trips!!!

I know the Lord doesn't need me to grow these girls, and sometimes I still make things about me. I need to trust phil 1:6--"being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I want to be CONFIDENT that God will continue to carry out the good work in these girl's lives. God's glory is so much greater than us! And NOT dependent upon me! This is a huge relief!

empty rooms

Today my parents came up for my last Senior Lacrosse Game--wow, it's hard to believe that it has been four years...

four years of:
--living in a dorm
--playing lacrosse
--waking up for morning weights every tues and thurs at 5:30
--Growing and struggling and growing and strengthening my walk with the Lord
--Getting to know my best friends for life
--GDH food!

My parents helped me pack up some things from my room and memories just flew through my brain! Pictures of me and my first roommates(Jordan Newberry,Allison Green, and Riviere!!). Pictures of me and my ZETA family! Pictures of me and Ashton and our four years together. God has blessed me with the best four years of college. I definitely made mistakes but I'm getting there.

Another memory and cool update: My favorite waitress is Teka at Steamers and I have been really praying these four years to be able to share the gospel with her. Yesterday I got to share my testimony with her! I didn't really get to tell her much bc we always speak in passing but I got to tell her about how the reason I come to steamers so much and why they know me was becuase my freshman year Bethany Griffith who was involved with CO took me once a week to steamers to do a bible study. This changed my life becuase that year I became a Christian, so steamers is an awesome environment!! And I got to tell Teka all about it!!

So after four years, my room is empty. Empty of physical and material things but it will always be FULL of the memories I have here at Pc.

risk.

I wanted to start this blog enter you guys into my life as I strive to live a life that is not my own; as I strive to live by faith and obedience to God who gave me life through Christ! I am graduating in LESS than a month!! And the real world begins... Life outside of Presbyterian College. I hope you follow me as I learn what it means to glorify Christ in all that I do by enjoying him in everything. What will that be like?

Step 1(for me):
Faith. What is faith? Faith is blind. I'm realizing this more and more. If faith wasn't blind it wouldn't be faith at all. Faith is like Risk. From a John Piper sermon I love:

"Why is there such a thing as risk? The reason there is such a thing as risk is that there is such a thing as ignorance. If there were no ignorance, there would be no risk. Risk is possible because we don't know how things will turn out.

This means that God can take no risks. He knows the outcome of all his choices before they happen. And since he knows the outcome of all his actions before they happen, he plans accordingly. His omniscience rules out the very possibility of taking risks.

But not so with us. We are not God; we are ignorant. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. God does not tell us what he intends to do tomorrow or five years from now. Evidently God intends for us to live and act in ignorance and in uncertainty about the outcome of our actions."


My Risk: Leaving everything I know (relationships at Pc, a great community, etc.) to go where the Lord is calling me. I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going, who I'm living with, etc. But I want to have enough faith to know that God is completely sovereign over this situation and he takes NO RISK. He knows me best and his plan for me is good. And so I'll go...and we'll see what happens.

Scripture I'm claiming: By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrews 11:8